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The cool water seeking into my fur relieving my son heated body. I sink deeper and deeper into the back of my eyes, each
cold wave separating my body from my mind. I’ve always wondered why the moon cloaked Herself in the night and as the
darkness grows infinitely around me I understand. A long forgotten lover seducing me leading me into the womb I abandoned
for flesh.
I fell identity become an alien concept, and I indulge in this. Disassociation and I crave it. So long have
I been alone so isolated in this fading flesh. Oh Gaia my cursed creator did you rip my soul from this? Did you trade my bliss
to relieve your damnation? When you bound me to yours skin did you cry? Gaia my beloved Mother why did you betray me?
My
being falls inside the endless void. I have no border. My being is leaking into all around me. Distance grows between memories
and self realization. This place is not for me. This place will destroy me. I crave the infinite and I grow numb far beyond
the northern winters could have inflicted. Beyond what I remember of my mothers neglect. The memory of my body my existence
burns as it trickles away.
I feel a touch where the memory of my face lingers; comfort and solitude. If I had eyes
they would cry despite me. My memories are scarce and have their own wills to exist. Each tear collecting in a puddle like
unforgiving polished silver. It flows and takes form. A vague creation but I sense its silence and power. Fear is the last
to fade and I am enthralled by this form in the void. Horns emerge and it steps forward. Turning its shifting face towards
me I realize I am dying. To dissolve to twine with Nothing is orgasmic and endless to die is suffering and limited.
It
leaps into the darkness and the hunt is on. The White Stag. And my will takes hold and I flow just a shadow of myself. Echoes
collected together. But I can run.
I know where my prey grazes and it will be mine. The craving for its flesh to give
way under my jaw, its blood caressing my tongue my mouth and I keep running on hollow legs. I am the Hunt. I am.
My
prey is close I feel its scent hear its peace and I am running. I see it. It is no Stag just a smeared spot on the infinite
darkness. Blight like compacted clumped sand.
I leap, biting for what I determine is its throat. Teeth meets ghost
as I jumped into myself. My feet land and I feel the Hunt claw at my back.
The Stag is close and he is coming. My legs
dig in and I run. Leap and run. A breeze builds and flows over me pealing away the echo shell exposing fur long forgotten.
Ripples of the rushing wind define my shell that I ill with the self almost lost. I run.
I know this place. I’ve
been here. I see a meadow and a lonely tree. I must be there.
I stop and take pose under the tree as if it was all I am meant for. I stand.
I hear the spear before it hits.
I see the shining White Stag in man skin crouching in the grass. I fall limp and my eyes will not close. I can not move I
cannot breathe. So I run faster but my legs won’t even stand. He caught me here and he kneels over me and says a prayer
to Gaia. My heart pours out my eyes, remorse and regret.
I am sorry I am sorry. My Beloved my Mother my Being forgive
me not. He says Her name and Gaia gives me Her heartbeat.
Give me back my abyss and turn from me. I cannot endure Your
forgiveness.
My eyes roll to the stag and he speaks my name. He bleeds and it’s his blood that pools at my wound
and collapsed body. But I am dying none the less. Forgiven and suffering floating on the shallow pool of His blood.
The
cold rushes back existence defined where water meets flesh. Cool euphoria cycling through me. Gentle waves rock me and I breathe
them in.
I wake as cold water hits my lungs.
My head! My head! I cannot breath.
My quivering body forsaken
and abandoned has no more left, but I must lift my head. My last act: I will tell Father Sky of my sins. My punishment cannot
be covered by Mothers love.
I break the surface and expel the lake from within me. I can breathe but it hurts I am tired
and there is no help. At least Father Sky will not save me and it comforts me.
The beach is under foot and I leave
the lake exhausted and unsuccessful. The clouds depart and the sun warms me.
My prayers were curses like sour milk
from wretched breast. Exhumed from self delusion, I am afflicted with choice, and I collapse. Fade to black.
“Great
Stag, servant of Gaia, roamer of the Wyld, I own you a debt for your guidance on behalf of Gaia. I ask to serve you and for
you to guide me in protecting Gaia. You have bound me to you and I ask you to not forsake Gaia’s gift. I bow before
you and honor you under the moon. Protect my pack and let me be bound to you."
Oh Great Stag
Come to us come
to us
Make us whole again
With the land and the lake
I am Liir
A traveler.
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